sleepless fury

march the 20th

Hide Away

I didn't feel like writing again today. But here I am. What can I say? It's a strong vice :)

I'm unbelievably depressed. I don't know. I've just been walking around, slumming around, not feeling to good at all. I feel like there is something bothering me, like it's in the back of my head and I've been hiding it there, trying to avoid it. Too bad I don't know what it is because I'd really like to get this feeling out of my head. I think it may have something to do with the fact that if I were still going out with my gorgeous ex in Toronto it would have been our 5 year anniversary today. Weird. I don't even call her anymore.

School was blah. I'm not even gonna talk about it.

When I got home I phoned Susan to see how she was doing (during the week she received an operation on her throat) and too see if there was anything going on tonight. I caught her while she was in the shower, but Allie was over there (big surprise!) so I talked to her instead. She informed me that they were going to our high school musical tonight, and that we all could possibly meet up tonight and hang out. I thought it was a pretty good idea, so I asked her to call me when the play was finished. And that was that.

So while I waited around I went online (yet another big surprised!) and had a couple of conversations on ICQ with James and Samantha.

James is a great guy. I haven't talked to him for awhile, because he went down to Texas to visit one of his best friends, Miriam. It seems that they've been having trouble lately only because James had sex last Wednesday with this girl that he was once involved with. Miriam was kind of upset, but it makes no sense because she told James that she would not be able to participate in a long distance relationship. It's all really confusing to me, but who am I to make any judgments? I don't know Miriam very well beyond what James has told me about her, and I haven't heard her side of the story. All I know is that James cares about her very much, but is confused whether or not she is willing to pursue a relationship with him. I gave him the best advice I could come up with (I hope to God it didn't sound like I was talking out my ass) and wished him the best with her. He informed me later in the evening that everything was all right.

Samantha is a great gal! Absolutely great! Lately she's been in a kind of down moon because the guy that she's seeing is off in Montreal having a good time without her, and just thinking about that kinda makes me sad! So I tried my best to cheer her up, and it seemed to work, as she lightened up a little. At one point of our conversation she asked when I would be going up to Toronto next to see my sister (hypothetically of course!), and I told her that it probably wouldn't be until this summer. I asked if she'd like to meet when I went up there and she seemed to be delighted by the offer. I can't wait to see her - it'll definitely be cool.

The rest of the evening was pretty idle. At around 10 my ICQ went haywire on me and Allie hadn't called me yet. I was getting pretty restless. Eventually I didn't even end up hanging out with them because she never called. Instead Isaac came over and we met up with two other friends of ours that were home for their own spring breaks. We ended up driving around in the rain the whole night and eating at some dinner in Delaware, which was pretty cool.

Still, it bothers me that Allie and Susan didn't call me. Why would you offer to call someone who you know won't go out until you call them, and then don't call? That's just uncool. I've already forgiven them and such - it would be stupid of me if I didn't - but it's still pretty annoying. I hope it doesn't become a habit.

Old habits most definitely die hard.

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