wednesday, may 5, 1999 11:55:33 pm

awesome looking city

i didn't get wasted today. at least not with alcohol, which was probably the mind killer of choice for inebriation today.

instead i sat in reflection at work today, thinking about where everything was going. the skies that are here today - where will they be tomorrow? will i be as lucky as i have been for the past several months? i'm thinking that my good fortune will probably run out soon, so i guess i'm going to have to mentally prepare myself. then again, i'm probably just be somewhat paranoid again.

i spent a good amount of time after work to clean my bowl. since i first bought it, i've rarely cleaned it except for a few times where I've simply run hot water through it, which really didn't clean it at all, and basically just fucked up the colors that were coming in. when fully colored, it has some nice dark and light blues, with swirls of gold, yellow and white. it's such a pretty little thing. it's nice and thick too, which is usually always a good thing.

while i was boiling water and measuring out the amount of powder i would be using, i casually conversed with krys. we often like to joke about how my father has recently become overwhelmingly addicted to the internet - in fact, my old man is usually online when i get home, and stays on until late at night. sometimes i even have to ask him to get off (and this is at 11:30 in the evening) just so that i can check my email. nonetheless, while we (krys and i) were joking around, she told me my father recently picked up a copy of icq. this was almost bothersome, but what really got to me was the fact that my dad was pretending to be me, and that he was 28, while he flirted with some 28 year old chica in the philippines. and to think that my dad would have changed his womanizing ways after he got married a second time. it's over the internet, true, which mostly comprises of both parties using their imagination (maybe that 28 year old lady is really a man - hahah - that would be funny), but still... rat bastard father. that's always been one thing about my dad that has made he and i clash.

sometimes when i go grocery shopping i see the girl that he used to have an affair with in my area (my dad has had affairs with women all over the country). i kind of cringe back, and pretend that i don't see her, although it's probably really obvious that i have. nonetheless, i spent the rest of my grocery shopping session trying to avoid her, so that i don't have to pretend that i like her.

after cleaning out the rest of the guck out of my bowl with one of those twist-ties and a paper clip, i headed over to jack's to hang out with him and mia. i've grown (un?)comfortably close to those two, but i sometimes wonder if i'm ever the third wheel to them. for the longest time i really thought i was, but once we went out and they emphasized that i never have been. still, whenever i call them, i always voice that we don't necessarily have to hang out if they (they being jack and mia) want to be alone together for awhile. they mostly assure me that that isn't necessary, and sometimes even thank me for being a understanding friend.

i've been receiving some really nice emails lately. my thanks to all of you.

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