sleepless fury

october 27th


Most of this morning disappeared before I even realized it.

It was about 11:37 am, and my morning classes were over. It's usually at about this time when I begin to question myself as to what I should do for the next few hours until my last class of the day begins. Naturally, I chose to do the same thing that I've been doing for the past few days.

I can be such a creature of habit.

By the time I got to the park the sun was already shining pretty bright overhead. The clouds that were floating about when I first stepped outside were long gone, leaving the sky a pretty blue canvas for as far as the naked eye could see. I never liked carrying much whenever I went to the park, so I had dropped my bookbag at my house, which was on the way to the park anyway. Instead I brought with me a copy of the Illustrated Man by Bradbury, a book that I hadn't read for some time, as well as a few odds and ends that I normally brought around with me (wallet, money, etc, etc).

The park near my house was quieter than usual. On most days there are multitudes of people, and it's usually rare to find a place to sit down by your lonesome to relax, especially around lunch time. Of course I took it upon myself to take full advantage of the unusual sparseness of the park and laid down on the grass to read my book and have a quick smoke.

It felt good. Having the sun shining down on me as I read. It was cool outside, but the clear sky allowing the sun to shine down fully upon my head more than compensated to make it unbelievably comfortable outside. I quickly ran through a few pages as I simultaneously smoked up, starting with the Fox and the Forest (for those of you that don't know, the Illustrated Man is a collection of short stories kind of melted into a larger "short" story) and closing off with the Concrete Mixer.

I had always enjoyed the Fox and the Forest - I remember first reading it when I was in high school, still high from the usual drug binge that my friends and I participated in each morning before school. Yes, I believe I was in Mr. Stickney's english class, still a freshman, and at the time totally out of control. Nonetheless, through my clouded mind and unclear thoughts I managed to enjoy tFatF, while my friends giggled in the corner, making it painfully obvious about the state of mind they were in.

Before next class I managed to eat a cheese steak at Mystic, finish writing my report for english (the last before midterms, what a relief) and sketch out a few thoughts for the future plans of svengali. Delightfully productive for the restless mood I was in. I was quite pleased with myself as I walked to class, and made it aware to myself over and over again. Helps with the self-esteem and such.

Rather than pay attention to my weirdo professor (the one who blurts out things in conversation) while she lectured, I found myself distracted, noticing a few oddities around the room. The stucco roof paneling above me (what is that stuff called?) was stained brown, I assume from a water leak that has probably occurred there numerous times. The fluorescent light beside it was flickering erratically, something that I hadn't noticed before. A side of effect of the water leak? Probably, but I'm not too sure. But the more I analyze it, the more it becomes an obvious choice to change my present seating. I don't think I'd like to be sitting underneath that thing should anything happen to go wrong.

I think this daylight savings time thing has thrown my body clock off. I feel pretty tired, even though I got the right amount of sleep last night. It's either my body is having trouble adjusting, or the many months of not getting the proper amount of sleep is catching up with me. I'm thinking that it's a combination of both.

The past few days have been good for me. I made it a point to myself not to think about the problems that have been tormenting me for the past couple of weeks, and it has helped. I'll probably have to do something soon to fully put my mind at rest. Plus, I'm starting to miss my friends, but I'd like to put everything into motion before I build up the sense to call Jacob or Isaac.

Well, I better get to work. I've got to type out that report I just finished writing.

It was good talking to you.

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