sleepless fury

october 21st

staring me

The sky was dark this morning.

I didn't particularly like it. Some days a sky like this is tolerable, but not today. After several days of sunshine, a dark sky to me is overwhelmingly cold, even when the weather may not be.

It makes me think of some story about a guy that wakes up and everything is grey. Or gray. Whatever. But nonetheless this guy wakes up and the world around is totally absent of color. But no one else besides him seems to notice. Kinda like the opposite of that "Pleasantville" movie that's coming out, but I've had this idea long before I heard of that. Anyhow, he starts to think think that he is going crazy, such and such, and ends up in a downward spiral to composite hell.

I keep staring at this one painting that's in one of my classes. It's a winter scene, and everything is mostly white. In the background is a large mountain, covered in trees and snow (something like that mountain in the Paramount Logo), while the foreground is simply a bunch of birch trees, with snow all over the ground. I think it's the extreme white on the black (the picture is hanging on a somewhat black wall) that keeps capturing my attention. I'll have you know that while my teacher is in a lecture it's quite distracting. I've often though about approaching my teacher and asking if there would be any possibility of bringing that picture down, but when I imagine what would possibly happen if I did that, the only outcome that keeps appearing in my mind is of my teacher laughing hysterically at me. I've refrained from asking her.

Sometimes when I'm staring at the picture I get caught in this zone. And if I'm really concentrating, something always becomes momentarily alive in the picture - like a scurrying mouse, a rabbit hopping away, or a wolf moving his head. I don't think I'm crazy, but I think my imagination can get the best of me. It always seems so real.

My English professor is strange. She is a good looking black lady with a skunk stripe of white in her hair. I've had a few interesting conversations with her, talking about various subjects such as abortion and religion, and she's never been one to censor her views, even when it came to controversial subjects. The strange part is that when I'm having a individual conversation with her she sometimes blurts out words have nothing to do with the conversation. Just the other day after class we were talking about my paper on "Fahrenheit 451" and I was explaining to her how I felt that something like that is always a possibility for the future, when she clearly blurted out "ice cream".

"Pardon me?" I answered back, a little confused. Then she looked at me as if *I* had been the one that blurted out in the middle of the conversation, at which point I shook my head and continued on with my explanation. However, this does not take away from the fact that she is a remarkable teacher, probably one of the best I've ever had. And she is certainly better than the idiot I had last year.

Has anyone else just taken a seat, stared up into the sky and looked at the clouds rolling over? Has anyone else noticed how fast they move? I was doing that today at lunch, and they were moving so quickly over the sky that a cloud was out of my range of vision (well, couldn't be seen through the skylight any longer :) within 5 minutes. If you think about it clouds are a lot like life. Sometimes they can be calm, beautiful and bright, sometimes they can be horrific, dark and menacing. They can move quickly, or meander slowly across the sky. I remember the days when I used to think that a cloud was cotton-candy for really big people, but to think that they are an essential part of earth's life cycle. The sky would certainly be different looking if there weren't clouds. The world as we know it for that matter.

I'll stop my pointless banter now.

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