"I will light the match this morning
so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent
For soon night will be gone
I will stand arms outstretched
pretend I'm free to roam
I will make my way
through one more day...
I will hold the candle
till it burns up my arm
I'll keep taking punches
until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down
until my eyes go blind
I won't change direction
and I won't change my mind...
I'll swallow poison
until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out
till it fills this room...
...how much difference does it make..."
I listened to this song briefly in my car today and since then its been my head. Ringing and ringing, its eloquent organ singing sweetly to my sense. It feels good. The music, the soft breeze, the warm sun, the comfortable clothes. Generally today feels good. Feels good indeed.
After first class today I came home to pick up my father and drop him at the airport. Oh yeah. He's gonna be gone for a week. No more nagging. No more Mr. Annoying bothering me about everything. Just peace and quiet in the house. Well, until I invite a few people over. My father and I parted ways peacefully at the airport, a slap on the back and a hug, the usual between me and my father.
I drove away from that airport at 90 mph.
After last class I decided to head over to my friends house, Jack. We've been meaning to get together to do some serious jamming. It has been awhile since I've just sat down with someone and exercised the old guitar fingers and sing. It felt good to have a guitar strap slung over my shoulder and a mic in front of me. We just had me singing and playing guitar, and Jack playing drums, so it wasn't too much, but Jack's girlfriend said we sounded pretty good. I have to admit that Jack had a little trouble keeping up with my weird rhythm patterns and even weirder chord progressions, but when we were in sync it sounded pretty awesome, if I say so myself. After 3 hours of constant jamming (and a pair of sore hands later) I left Jack's house in good spirits.
I went home and did nothing. I think I feel asleep at about 7 in the afternoon (something I haven't done in over 3 years!) and just woke up an hour ago, at about midnight. And still that Pearl Jam song indifference is still in my head. It's soft beating tambourine still echoing in my head. As you can tell I think very highly of the song. But enough of that.
Julie left a message on my answering machine. That was pretty cool. We've been keeping in touch through email, but her email server is REAL annoying and always looses messages - ones that I send to her and ones that she sends to me. We lost touch every few days, but then something like this (her leaving a message on my answering machine) always keeps us in the groove. I still have to write her an email (something I'll probably do right after this journal entry) but I'm sure she'll read this anyway.
I made a new contact today - ly. She seems to be a very delightful character, and in James's journal he writes that we are similar. I'm hoping that this is a good thing, and she seems to be a very intelligible person, someone that I could hold a good conversation with, and someone just generally cool.
"...I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room..."