sleepless fury

april 7th

a bat's desire

The fingers on my left hand are mangled. That jam session did more to me then I thought. Oh well. It was well deserved. That just shows you how long it's been since I've had a jam session - the callouses aren't as hard as they used to be.

Indifference is still in my head. I guess the song appeals to me so much right now because that's the way I'm feeling. Not really caring about much - at least in terms of future plans. My future is such a blur right now, and I'm in no mood to clear things up. School seems to useless right now. I just drift through these dreary halls from one class to the next, grinding my teeth as each second clicks off the generic clock that always seems to be hanging lopsided on wall. There was a time when school was "bright" and enjoyable. Bright colors, water splashing, kids running, tag, valentines and smiles. Now I see "blue", scratching heads, tears of frustrations, looks of puzzlement, eyes of wonderment and lost souls. There are a few moments of "brightness", but as soon as you realize they're here, they fade away. How unpleasant.

In my dazed thought I decided not to go to school. And that was that. I didn't go today. Hah.

Instead I picked up my guitar, and jammed every few hours. I came close to completing a few songs that I'm in the middle of writing, but overall in terms of song writing, I haven't been too prolific. That bothers me.

The clouds rolled by slowly today. Not a harsh breeze out there. I pulled out the bike and rode a few miles around my local area. Biking around my house always proves to be interesting, with the constant construction that is always going on. Today they were blowing up these huge rocks with TNT. They would put this massive (and what looked like heavy) blankets over these huge rocks, stuff dynamite under it, and blow up the rock. It was pretty cool, and pretty loud. Nonetheless, something like that could only be entertaining for so long, so I finished my ride home and took a shower.

I managed to trim my hair today. It's actually been about 2 and half weeks since I cut my hair last, so its been long overdue. My head is shaved (not bic-ed, I use an extension #1) and my hair grows quickly and is very thick, so my hair was starting to fro. It's not a pretty sight. But hey, I'm not trying to impress anyone right now. Love sucks anyhow.

That's the conclusion Gem and I came up with. She's been having a difficult time with Steve, and they make such a great couple that it's a shame to see them having troubles with each other. Gem called me today, to sort a few emotions she was having. Strange, she never calls me, but Susan hasn't been around lately, so she tried her luck by calling me. To her surprise she caught me, and to my surprise as well, since I avoid answering my phone, or even being in my house. But with my dad gone, why not take advantage of the situation? Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. She called me up, and we talked a good hour or so about the way she was feeling. I told her to stick in there, and things will start to look brighter, no matter what happens. I hope, for her sake, that it's true. Gem is too nice a person to have something terrible as this happen to her. Ahh, c'est la vie.

A few of the more "popular" journals I've been reading have been beginning to annoy me. Note the I inserted the adjective "popular". They are popular indeed. But some complain too much when they don't have much to complain about. Some give off these dumb ass philosophies. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I have nothing much to complain about either. I have it a lot better than others. Ah, let's face it. I just want to bitch. Bitch like them. Waa waa waa. Don't sign my guestbook. Don't write me email letters about the way you sypathize about the way I feel. If you enjoy reading what I write, let us leave it at that. Okay, I'll stop being annoying now.

Revolution still manages to capture my attention every once in awhile. Yay! A pretty darn good investment if you ask me.



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