saturday, february 5, 2000 11:26:53 pm

palm trees and jeans.  people generally like both.

so the cruise was incredible. i recommend going anywhere in cozumel, mexico - especially carlos & charlie's. you'll have a blast. i'll leave it at that, since most of the trip was pretty blurry anyhow.

so the birthday was interesting enough. man, to think that i've hit the double 2's. i feel like i was 10 only a few days ago. things seem to travel a lot faster when you aren't expecting it, huh?

i spent most of the past year with that dream looming over my head. thank goodness it's over. hopefully.

just coming back from my cruise a few hours before my actual birth date, it was safe to assume that i was tired. and being the jackass that i am, i downed an eight of these really potent mushies. since they were provided by my roommate mark, he and his girlfriend decided to join me in my altered state. everything was going smoothly - we had great music going, we watched some pretty trippy movies, and sat in front of mark's bubble machine for hours. colors filled my vision, and things sounded like i was in a cave. i ate oranges. i drank some water. i had a great time. however (and you knew this was coming, right?), around the end of my journey the inevitable happened. after years of filling my body with pyscho-active chemicals without suffering from any negative episodes, i finally whigged out.

it started rather innocently. since we had the bubble machine out, i had to join in all the fun, and taking a straw out of the cabinet i proceeded to blow many large and spectacular bubbles. things were going fine, but i noticed that every once in awhile i would breath in at an improper moment which resulted in me tasting some of the soap. when my smoke filled lungs finally decided that i had enough, i sat down and had a drink of water. now, in my out-of-reality state, i somehow mistook the latent soap taste in my mouth as what i had drank out of my cup. thinking i had drank a big cup of soap, i began to walk around, unsure of what to do. i began to think. think. think. which was probably not a good idea. i walked outside to get a breath of fresh air to calm myself down. unsuccessful. i sat in a chair to calm myself down. unsuccessful. i smoked a cigarette to calm myself down. big mistake. my oxygen depleted lungs cried out for mercy, and i somehow calculated that "drinking" the soap was fucking around with my body. i couldn't breath. things were starting to look smoky. i felt like i was going to pass out. it eventually dawned on me.

anxiety attack. fucking shit.

and i didn't calm down all that easily either. everything i was thinking about started fucking around with my head again. my heart hurt. my lungs hurt. mark's girlfriend had to continuously talk to me in order for me to stop thinking. she tried to hypnotize me, but i'm unsure if i can be, or at least if you can be hypnotized when you're already in an altered state.

suffice to say i was pissed at myself. i also slept quite well throughout the day.

not many people remembered my birthday. i've grown accustomed to it. for those of you that did remember, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. and for those of you that didn't, i still love ya.

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