saturday, february 5, 2000 11:26:53 pm
so the cruise was incredible. i recommend going anywhere in cozumel,
mexico - especially carlos & charlie's. you'll have a blast. i'll leave it at
that, since most of the trip was pretty blurry anyhow.
so the birthday
was interesting enough. man, to think that i've hit the double 2's. i feel like
i was 10 only a few days ago. things seem to travel a lot faster when you aren't
expecting it, huh?
i spent most of the past year with that dream
looming over my head. thank goodness it's over. hopefully.
back from my cruise a few hours before my actual birth date, it was safe to assume
that i was tired. and being the jackass that i am, i downed an eight of these
really potent mushies. since they were provided by my roommate mark, he and his
girlfriend decided to join me in my altered state. everything was going smoothly
- we had great music going, we watched some pretty trippy movies, and sat in front
of mark's bubble machine for hours. colors filled my vision, and things sounded
like i was in a cave. i ate oranges. i drank some water. i had a great time. however
(and you knew this was coming, right?), around the end of my journey the inevitable
happened. after years of filling my body with pyscho-active chemicals without
suffering from any negative episodes, i finally whigged out.
rather innocently. since we had the bubble machine out, i had to join in all the
fun, and taking a straw out of the cabinet i proceeded to blow many large and
spectacular bubbles. things were going fine, but i noticed that every once in
awhile i would breath in at an improper moment which resulted in me tasting some
of the soap. when my smoke filled lungs finally decided that i had enough, i sat
down and had a drink of water. now, in my out-of-reality state, i somehow mistook
the latent soap taste in my mouth as what i had drank out of my cup. thinking
i had drank a big cup of soap, i began to walk around, unsure of what to do. i
began to think. think. think. which was probably not a good idea. i walked outside
to get a breath of fresh air to calm myself down. unsuccessful. i sat in a chair
to calm myself down. unsuccessful. i smoked a cigarette to calm myself down. big
mistake. my oxygen depleted lungs cried out for mercy, and i somehow calculated
that "drinking" the soap was fucking around with my body. i couldn't breath. things
were starting to look smoky. i felt like i was going to pass out. it eventually
dawned on me.
anxiety attack. fucking shit.
and i didn't calm
down all that easily either. everything i was thinking about started fucking around
with my head again. my heart hurt. my lungs hurt. mark's girlfriend had to continuously
talk to me in order for me to stop thinking. she tried to hypnotize me, but i'm
unsure if i can be, or at least if you can be hypnotized when you're already in
an altered state.
suffice to say i was pissed at myself. i also slept
quite well throughout the day.
not many people remembered my birthday.
i've grown accustomed to it. for those of you that did remember, i thank you from
the bottom of my heart. and for those of you that didn't, i still love ya.