monday, december 07, 1998 4:23:36 pm

night light

so i'm sitting in my office and i don't know what to do. it's getting late and the sun is almost completely gone, but i don't feel like finishing my goals here. instead, i'm sitting here, reflecting about this past weekend. well, i'm typing also, but that's a given. whenever i'm at the office i'm always typing.

this weekend was pretty interesting. nothing cool happened on friday, except for the drug induced haze that i was in for a couple of hours. but on a friday night with nothing to do and with a few friends? then that's a given too. a shame though.

saturday i went to work at the bookstore. now, normally this wouldn't be interesting, and actually the work itself wasn't. while i went through the normal routine of putting books on shelves and giving customers my opinion on the latest releases, i was approached by several woman interested in where i got the shirt that i wore to work that day.

i have since dubbed it my lucky shirt.

the funny thing is that i'm not really sure as to the exact store where i purchased it. i do remember that i went to reading, pennsylvania (pronounced RED-ing to those that aren't aware, so now don't make any excuses when you come here and pronounce it improperly) with my father and sister as they went clothes shopping for the winter season at reading's shopping outlets, fully expecting an evening of complete and utter boredom. however, i actually found 3 sweater-type shirts that actually looked half decent on me (i've always had this feeling that i look stupid no matter what clothes i wear), and so i went home feeling rather satisfied. but as to the actual store where i got them has escaped my mind. ah well.

the next interesting moment was when i went on my lunch break. while waiting in line to order my food, i noticed a VERY attractive young lady standing behind me. as usual, i expected that she was a half-witted socialite that would never give a short asian fellow such as myself the "time of day", and was deeply surprised when she muttered to me as i glanced her way, "aren't these christmas season lines atrocious? they should make a separate line for mall employees."

now, it's about this time that my mind starts to panic. you have to understand, this rarely happens to me, where an attractive women takes the first step to talk to me. i'm telling you, it's the lucky shirt. anyhow, i start racing to find the most witty response i can think of in the slight chance that i might impress her.

i dully reply, "yeah, seriously."

well, after a cup of coffee it turns out that cindy enjoys a lot of things that i do. she reads immensely, is a raging insomniac, and has smoking up as a vice. she also only works at the mall on saturdays, and at her suggestion we agreed that we would have our little lunch conversations more regularly. i was quite please with my lucky shirt. heh.

after work i had that date with anita. and to sum it up: disappointing. we went to watch pleasantville (which i didn't mind watching again) but she continued to talk throughout the whole movie. jabber jabber. and because she talked so much, she started going off on these tangents, but it sounded like she didn't know what she talking about. after the movie i dropped her home immediately, telling her i was quite beat. and i was.

i spent all of sunday at home, cleaning up my room, and talking with alyssa, sammy, chel and james.

james sent me a cool colortest type program. why not try it out? and then give me your results.

this were my results, but with much more analysis (provided by james).

Randall's L¸scher Color Test results:

7 0 3 1 2 6 5 4
7 0 3 1 2 5 6 4

Feels the situation is hopeless. Strongly resists those things which he finds disagreeable (see -4 below). Tries to shield himself from anything which might irritate him or make him more depressed.

Works well in cooperation with others. Needs a personal life of mutual understanding and freedom from discord.

Believes he is not receiving his share -- that he is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels he is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave him without any sense of emotional involvement.

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve physical satisfaction from sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standing or prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises. in brief: Exaggerated pessimism; fear of losing prestige.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness and an unadmitted self-contempt. His refusal to admit this leads to his adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude.

Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of his hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. He tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting himself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.

pretty depressing. but, at the moment and in my opinion, all of it does apply to me, except the "egocentric and therefore quick to take offense" part. here are the more positive results which was provided by the program.

Demands a calm environment, free of conflict and disagreement. prefers the natural to the artificial.

energetic and sensitive, this person works well with other and accomplishes much. a born leader.

harmonious, sensitive, able to get along with almost anyone.

self-assured and authoritative, other find this person to be interesting.

a self-assured individualist, could use some more input from others.

so what do you think? did that all sound like me?

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