sleepless fury

april 16th

Negative Mountains

"i walked around my good intentions
and found that there were none

i blame my father for the wasted years
we hardly talked

i never though I would forget this hate
then a phone call made me realize
i'm wrong..."

- our lady peace

For that past few days my father and I have been getting along extremely well. I can't stress how much we're getting along. We joke around, talk about stuff, almost hangout... *shudder* It's almost scary. Actual father and son stuff. Too bad it came 13 years too late for me to enjoy when I needed it the most...

Nonetheless, I am enjoying it. The tension that's always been between us has drifted away, and instead I see it between my parents and my siblings (Krys and my father, Ann and my mother - although Ann has been pissing my father off lately too). It's kind of cool to have my dad confide in me with stuff. Of course he never tells me about seriously sensitive things - Hell, I don't think we've EVER brought up women, or the fact that he's going to have another child to take care off. I guess even though there are a lot of times where I can't stand people - my dad being a major case scenario - I still think about if the a person will feel comfortable discussing various topics. I've been a push-over like that. *shrug* But I'm pretty sure that it's a good thing too...

The above song was playing in my cd player right before I went to first class today, so that's why it's stuck in my head. Songs have the habit of doing that, just playing constantly in my head. Certain songs effect me more than other though, case in point with pearl jam's Indifference. How many days did I have that playing in my head? Shesh. It must have been 4 days or so. You have to understand though, I didn't play it on a cd player over and over again or something like that. It just played in my head. Hmmm. Like a stereo system in my mind. Hmmm. This is too hard to explain. The more I try, the more I'm sounding like an idiot.

While in my classes I was in a daze. Usually I go to class and sit and listen to the boring lectures, but today I couldn't concentrate. I doodled various designs in my notebooks, and talked to my neighbours. It was actually good to talk to Misty, as I haven't hung out with her in awhile. She was telling me that she wanted to hang out sometime, so I said, "Why not tonight?" She grinned and agreed to the meeting.

After class I ventured my way home, and too my surprise my father was home before me again - he got home before me yesterday as well. I told him that I was gonna go biking again and offered him and Krys to join me. My dad said yes (I don't think he'd ever say no to biking), but my sister didn't.

She's such a lazy ass. I mean, Krys is a pretty capable person, but she just doesn't apply herself. I always bother her to do something in school, like play lacrosse or something, but she just looks at me and smirks. Ahhh, I could go on and on about Krys, but I'll save that for another entry.

Like yesterday, we just didn't bike. We ended up playing tennis, but I beat my dad (barely) instead of him whooping my ass again. THAT felt good. It's a rarity for me to beat my father. I did notice him "drop the ball" a couple of times. I guess he's losing his edge. Hmmm.

After all that we ventured back home, both of us taking the long route. Strange, because I've never taken that long to exercise before, except maybe for organized sports. When I was younger I despised the though of exercising on my own for long periods of time. It's strange how so many things change once you get older. You find yourself doing things you thought you'd never do. I guess that can be a good or bad thing. I guess it also various from person to person.

Later in the evening, my father and I started discussing about Arizona again. I think I've pretty much decided that I'm NOT going to go Arizona with my father, but he seems pretty set on going. And if he goes, he's going for a year, and probably visiting once a month. It's like my days in Toronto all over again, but this time I understand why my fathers never home. I'm actually going to probably enjoy it, and take advantage of it at every opportunity. *ponder* Who knows. The old man might decide to not to even go. Time will tell.

At around 8:30, I hopped into my car and did something that I've been planning to do for several weeks. I drove over into Delaware (how can you not love tax free shopping?) and headed for Computer City. There, I pulled out my computer, and installed a whopping 64 MB SDRAM. YEAH! My computer runs so much more faster, it's great! And I got each 32 dimm for 50 bucks, a major deal. My computer is screaming fast. I can't believe I was struggling along on 8 MD Ram, which is a joke. I practically begged for applications to start, and the computer crashing wasn't an uncommon thing. But now those days are over! Woohoo!

Okay, enough rejoicing. It's 10. I'm tired. And I left my side door open so Misty can get into my room later tonight (Yep, I've got my own door, so I don't have to bother with my front door), and the wind blowing in is starting to annoy me. Btw, I apoligize for the quality of the past entries, as I've been taking the worst times of the day to write them.

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